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Welcome to My Journal

quotes, metaphors, and everyday observations related to my self-care journey

A Two Year Expedition

Two years ago today we were plunged into a journey we never saw coming and weren't prepared for.

To say the pandemic has been challenging would be a vague understatement that borders on insulting.  So many fears and losses.  Suffering and death.  Our usual ways of working and socializing were gone and in their place was far, far too much alone time.  Routine, comfort, and variety were replaced with reflection that ultimately (shall I say quickly?) degraded into boredom, even despair.  

For me, my standard coping wasn't cutting it.  To be more exact, I would say overthinking and overdoing failed me completely.  Overdoing was no longer an option and overthinking became an even bigger liability.  I circled and churned and journaled and spewed.  Some of this resulted in amazing healing; some of it was actually damaging. 

Meditation was challenging and as often as not, my thoughts took on a fiendish life of their own.  Day in became day out; I spent a lot of time with my inner demons singing their standard chorus, crooning away in their familiar tone.  My inner child wailed with frustration and uncertainty and was again pushed far past her limits of facing alone time with no idea when it might end.

It sounds a little voyage of the damned, and some days, maybe it was.   

730+ days into this and I haven't completely wrapped my head around it, yet I can see that some things are improving.  I am feeling more present and I can validate that I did face life without my two favored and overused strategies.     

Of course I am thinking that I accomplished so little despite so much time. 

(See that part above about overdoing... did you forget?) 

Maybe I did grow in some way that is just not visible yet.  Possibly my self discovery and making it through are more than enough? What if it I have no tangible results?  

I don't have the answer my friend. This journey is not over and the last chapter has not been written.  Stay tuned and know that I wish you smooth sailing, blue skies and courageous exploration... and when you find yourself on a stormy sea with a questionable crew and no clear answers, remember smooth waters never made a skilled sailor.  Good luck my friend.